Sebastian

I found out that I was pregnant last May and my due date was 24th January 2017. Finding out that I was pregnant was a mixture of emotions for me.. excitement, panic and scared… but as the time went on and myself and Ainslee went to lots of baby events, classes and found out that 2 of my really good friends were also due around the same time as me (Sarah-Kate and Sarah).. so this made everything really exciting for us and the fact we were just about to buy a house together made it feel like the perfect time for us.

After the 1st trimester of terrible morning, (day and night) sickness I was so glad to be in the 2nd trimester and was loving life completely. I felt so lucky to have an amazing boyfriend and feeling our little baby growing inside of me was THE most magical feeling. By this point we had been to two scans at Stepping Hill Hospital, one at 10 weeks (because me and Ainslee thought I was at 12 weeks already) and then another at 12 weeks. Both scans were so exciting for us, everything was growing perfectly and the midwife always said how good all the measurements were and that because we are both really active and healthy everything will be really straight forward with us.

I got to 20 weeks and I was feeling full of energy and went out for a few of my friends birthday parties (only out for food.. no alcohol of course)… I had exercised throughout the pregnancy so far but was now able to go a bit more regularly as I wasn’t feeling sick 24/7 anymore. We went along for our 20 week scan and we found out we were having a BOY!! As soon as we left the hospital we went shopping and bought the cutest outfits for him and everything seemed really real now.

The next 3 weeks I started to feel much more movement and I remember calling my friend Sarah-Kate and saying to her how excited I was about meeting our babies and how it doesn’t seem far away at all now!

I feel like since I said those words ‘IM SO EXCITED’ everything changed….

I started to feel really flu like and my glands were really swollen.. I just told myself I must be fighting a virus and need to rest and take it easy. Anyway a week had gone by and I hadn’t been to the gym for a few days so went for a workout… anyway that was probably the worst thing I could of done. That night I felt like I had caught the flu…. you know when your body aches and you just want to stay in bed… I decided to have a bath and thought it would help ease my aches and pains… after my bath I went for a wee and noticed some slimy stuff on my leg… it looked like snot and I was a bit confused… I thought it may just have come out after having a bath… I researched this because it had never happened before and it said things on google like ‘You may get a “show” when you are in your final weeks of pregnancy and to call your midwife’ and ‘This could be a sign that you are in early labour’ anyway I remembered that everyone says not to read into things when you try to diagnose yourself through Google so I put it to the back of my mind and hoped I would feel better in the morning. I was around 25 weeks pregnant now so though all the things that I had read of Google wouldn’t apply to me… anyway in the morning I woke up and all day I was needing to wee more and more frequently.. this happened for several days until the 7th October where I woke up and got out of bed… when I stood up a huge gush of what I thought was wee went everywhere… it was at this point that I thought I MUST have a urine infection because I was weeing so much and uncontrollably (I have never had this before).

After going to work that morning I came home and got straight in bed. My flu symptoms were worse than ever and I was still weeing A LOT. It was at that point my mum told me to go to the hospital and get checked over. My mum took me to the hospital where the doctors sent me to the delivery department to just get checked over (Ainlsee was out at work all day so at this point he just thought I was being dramatic and that the nurses would just send me home)…. I was telling the nurses that I think I have an infection so they said to me that they were going to check the babies heart beat and do a few tests just to make sure everything was all okay… I was thinking at worst I would need some antibiotics to get rid of whatever I had. The nurses were all so friendly and as they were trying to find my babies heart beat they kept the atmosphere really positive and not once did I think there was something wrong with my baby. The nurse told me that she couldn’t find the heart beat so she would get a proper scanner so that she could see that the baby was okay. She said sometimes the placenta gets in the way so not to worry. A special doctor then appeared with a big scanner so that we could see the baby. I remember being excited to see him and said to my mum “It’s nice that you get to see him on the screen” because up until then it was only Ainslee and myself who had been to the scans. The lady was really taking her time with the scan and I couldn’t tell if she had found the heart beat or not because the placenta makes a strange noise… (It sounds just like a heat beat to me.)

She hadn’t said anything for what felt like 5 minutes, so I said to her “Is he okay?” she turned around and said to me “He doesn’t have a heart beat” I remember looking at my mum and breaking down in tears. We both cried in each others arms and I just didn’t know what to do. I rang Ainslee straight away and all I could say to him was “There is no heart beat.. He’s dead!” Ainslee didn’t understand and Im sure he was seriously confused but he said he would come and see me straight away. We then had to go in for another scan to confirm his death… I felt numb and the only way I can explain the way I felt was like there was a dead baby inside of me. As soon as she said he wasn’t alive I could explain exactly how I was feeling…not flu like, feverish or unwell… but like my baby had died. I felt lifeless and like my world had ended.

Before we knew it, it was 6pm and myself and Ainslee were sat in the bereavement ward and I was been given a tablet to induce my labour. Not only was I heart broken about loosing my baby… I now had to process the fact that I was going to go into labour, which I didn’t think I would have to do for another 13 weeks and I had no idea what I had to do.

During the night I was in a lot of pain and by 9am the following morning I was in full on labour.

Sebastian Ainslee Shafto was born at 11:20am on the 8th October and seeing him for the first time was so hard for both of us. We were devastated and had no idea why this had happened to us.

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