What happens to your body..

So pre-pregnancy I was a pretty fit and active size 8-10 and I certainly worked hard to maintain that size. I went to the gym between 5-6 times a week and would always check in with my personal trainer boyfriend to see what I needed to do to tone up certain areas etc. So basically all I’m trying to say is that I was in pretty good shape.

After only just a few weeks into my pregnancy I was suffering from really bad morning sickness so instead of running 4 times I week I was only able to walk and the thought of participating in a class at the gym just made me feel exhausted, so as you can image I lost my fitness quite dramatically as I had morning sickness up until around 15/16 weeks. Along with the lack of exercise… the only thing I found eased my sickness was CARBS and I was never a massive lover before, so I did get quite obsessed with checking the scales every morning and usually every day I would of put on a pound…

I kept telling myself that once the baby was born I will run every day and get back into a really healthy diet and get back to how I was before.. But obviously things changed and we ended up having a still born…

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 19.25.31
This ‘After’ photo was taken 6 weeks after I had a still-birth, before an event.. I was home and in bed by 10pm, I just do things now and don’t think about whether i’ll be okay in that sort of situation..I’m now realising this.

 

After you have a still-birth you feel numb… You feel sort of frozen and you just do what you have to do and nothing more.. Straight after the birth my stomach went down dramatically as I was told I had too much fluid around the baby.. so really even when just my waters broke my stomach went down dramatically and this was even before Sebastian had come out. So that wasn’t a massive worry for me. But when I came home I expected to weight a lot less and I think I had literally lost 2lb’s which didn’t make any sense to me.. After doing some research I found out that after a still-birth or miscarriage your metabolism plummets and I pretty much felt like even if I didn’t eat all day I would weight a pound more the next day.

I wanted to loose weight and feel better in myself again… I had this in my head a long with being so sad and also the thought that I wanted to get pregnant again and FAST so I thought whats the point in getting really fit if I’m going to get pregnant again… My brain was all over the place but I kept thinking to myself *Most women love their slightly larger bodies after having a baby because they’ve created something amazing, whereas I’ve lost my baby and I’m feeling horrible in my body* I’m now a very curvy size 12 and before I was pregnant my boobs were a size 32d and now I’m a 34F and as I haven’t done any running in what feels like forever my legs look much bigger and my stomach muscles have completely vanished.

It just doesn’t seem fair that along with loosing your baby you have to feel really insecure about the way your body now looks and then I go back to the NHS again… They give you no support or advice.. or even just someone to chat to about how to snap out of this hole.

This past few weeks I have been enjoying the sunny weather and making the most of walking outdoors, making sure I do it everyday for 1 hour and also doing a home workout tailor made by my boyfriend. Now I’m just hoping this helps me feel and look a bit better and then…. fingers crossed we will get pregnant again…

One Reply to “What happens to your body..”

  1. So sorry that your son was born asleep. First pregnancies are scary and exciting, as it is all new and you are adapting in so many ways. Brave of you to share, but a good thing to do I believe, as this “did” happen to you and you need, acknowledgment, kindness and support to get through this. You look very beautiful in both your pictures and have a lovely figures, both trim and womanly are equally gorgeous. Rest, walk, enjoy the sunshine on your face and I hope your hope is fulfilled very soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

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