Okay so as you all may know by now… I’M PREGNANT! It’s been a tough journey so far to get to where I am and it’s certainly not been easy but to say I am 19 weeks and its only a week until we are half way makes me feel all sort of emotions…
My last pregnancy ended at 26 weeks so as we are approaching this similar time I am definitely getting more and more anxious… I’d say for the first 12 weeks I thought to myself ‘If it ends, it ends’ as I didn’t want to get my hopes up or get too attached incase I had an early miscarriage. But now as time is going on it’s getting harder to not feel something for this little one inside of me as much as I am trying not to get to attached and I’m not sure how I would cope if we lost another baby.
I have to say though it has certainly not been an easy ride for me so far, I’ve been in hospital because I have been bleeding a couple of times and also because I had a lot of pressure down below and then this week I also thought my plug had gone, I was reassured each time though and was told you can bleed because of all the extra blood your body needs whilst pregnant and also people can have some of their cervix come away during pregnancy but I had lots of scans and tests and everything is fine right now. This hasn’t made me feel to great, seem as I’m a nervous wreck anyway@
So we get to find out on the 12th July if we are having a boy or girl.. we had a scan at 17 weeks and were told that the cord was between the babies legs so couldn’t find out…. In a way I am anxious to find out if its a boy or girl… I feel like if it’s a girl me and Ainslee will have to get our heads around the fact that we are no longer having a boy, (if you didn’t know we lost our baby boy Sebastian in October) Its hard to explain to family and friends as we will be delighted with any gender its just another part of the grieving process, I think that no one else could explain unless you have gone through a stillbirth or loss.
Overall I can’t wait for the pregnancy to be over and actually have a baby with us to enjoy and love, I was pregnant in April 2016 – October 2016 and then got pregnant again in February, so I literally feel like I have been pregnant for over a year now and am looking forward to getting my body back and feeling like Maria again. Saying that though I keep saying to myself that I need to enjoy this pregnancy incase we don’t get to have a baby at the end again… I want to enjoy all the little movements that I am now feeling and want to do things with Ainslee to get us ready for whats to come.
As you all probably understand its a massive whirlwind of emotions and feelings but I’m so thankful that we are almost half way and it has definitely gone a lot quicker than last time. Its all about getting through the next half and bring on November!!!
I’m going to do a maternity clothing blog soon and lots more pregnancy type blogs so make sure you stay tuned!