Depression

Ok, so.. after Sebastian was born, we were allowed to spend the day with him… baring in mind I was so drugged up and I had to be taken into theatre to have an epidural to get the placenta out. Once I got back from theatre at 7pm that evening Sebastian was taken away.. It still hadn’t hit me what had actually happened over the past 24 hours. For Ainslee he had to watch it all and probably absorbed what was going on a little better than me. After another night in the hospital we were able to go home… I was still feeling a little dizzy and light headed from the painkillers and Ainslee had to shower and dress me that morning because my legs still felt a bit numb from the epidural.

So we went home and as I opened the door my mum gave me a parcel… It was all of the paper work to finalise our mortgage and confirmation that we were about to exchange contracts for our new house. We had been so stressed about all of this throughout my pregnancy that we felt like our little angel had somehow done something to let us finally have the house of our dreams and be together.

With this in mind I wanted to go furniture shopping…. so Ainslee took me and we bought so much stuff and ordered our sofa, bed, tables, chairs… candles.. you name it we had ordered it all. Everything was ready to arrive on our moving in date, which had been confirmed.

I was focusing all my attention on our new house and making sure it was perfect because I wasn’t having anyone ruin this for us. Once we moved in it felt like our little safe heaven because our house is in the country side away from everyone, we were so happy that we could eventually be together and not really have to make much effort with anyone else. It’s safe to say looking back now that this was when the depression started to kick in.

We had Sebastians funeral coming up and I wanted to see him one last time because I felt like whilst I was drugged up in hospital I didn’t really get to give him a final cuddle. So we went along to the mortuary and we went in a room to see him. He looked nothing like what I remembered… He looked like all of the goodness I gave him had gone and it was heart breaking. I felt like he wasn’t been looked after… it was devastating. It soon came round to the funeral and we decided me and Ainslee would just be attending. We wanted it to just be us so that we could cry and so that we could have it as low key as possible.

After the funeral weeks went by where I would be working all day and late into the night.. I was putting every little bit of my energy and thoughts into work. It wasn’t until Christmas and probably the whole of January were I was a complete mess. Why were people saying Happy Christmas to me? Why should I be celebrating? OUR BABY HAS JUST DIED!! It was so frustrating and I just wanted it to be January so badly so that we could start a fresh New Year. Obviously this is much easier said than done.. MY DUE DATE was the 24th January and all of the girls that I was pregnant with now had there babies….. It was hard and we were having to go for tests at the hospital because Sebastian had a brain haemorrhage whilst inside of me and they were trying to find out why, these tests seemed to take forever which really made everything drag out a lot more than I felt it should.

All of our tests came back negative and we still don’t know to this day why it happened. This whole time I haven’t had any calls from the doctors or the hospital checking up on me to see how my mental state is. I would like to think I am quite a positive person and even for me I have had some pretty dark times. So I don’t know how other people get on (say if they have previously been diagnosed with depression etc)

If I had given birth to a heathy baby I would of been checked for postnatal depression, which they take really seriously… so why not check up on someone who will 100% have post natal depression after having a still born. It shocks me…. even to the point of going to the dentist… When you’re pregnant you get 9 months free dental care whilst pregnant and 6 months free after your pregnancy. So when I went to the dentist last week the receptionist says after my 5 minute check up… “That’ll be £40 please” So I say “Im exempt from paying because I was pregnant” So she asks me if I’m currently pregnant or have a baby… So I say “I had a still birth” this obviously makes me cry… so Im stood crying in the middle of a waiting room.. and she says “Sorry the NHS don’t give exemption if your pregnant was terminated, don’t worry you’ll start to feel better soon. £40 please.” I was absolutely shocked by her response and if I was in my normal state I wouldn’t of payed and kicked up a BIG fuss… but because I was so shocked by her reaction I just payed and got out of there as quickly as possible.

Baring in mind I had been going to that dentist since I was 2 years old.. and it being a private clinic where I know they could of had a little sympathy and understanding… but no!!! Its like people just don’t understand it as being so horrific and life destroying. It is by far in my experience the worst thing to happen to a couple.

So looking on to the future I don’t think I will seriously feel happy in myself until I get pregnant again… I think when you loose a baby, whether that baby was planned or not. You prepare yourself for that little person to come into your life… so when that doesn’t happen you feel empty and like there is a little hole in your life that you need filling. Hopefully it won’t be too long until we get that hole filled…

Favourite products this month so far..

This month I have been so lucky in receiving some amazing products and of course I have tried and tested all of these products and have my absolute favourites of course. Along with all the amazing Kiehls products that I received.. I feel like I need a bit more time with those, so that I can get a real feel for which are my favourites and how Im getting on with them etc.

So lets start with OLAPLEX… I have been looking for a long time now, for that hair product that really makes me go ‘WOW’ I am growing my hair and even though my hair is very thick. I feel that because I get highlights a lot and it gets damaged through everyday styling and heating.. It was starting to feel really brittle and VERY tangled. Every time I washed my hair brushing it would be so painful… I would almost end up in tears because it was so knotted. So I was introduced to this product by Ben at HOB SALON in Hale Village and he gave me this product to try at home, along with going in for regular ‘OLAPLEX in-salon treatments’ and doing my weekly treatment at home, my hair is feeling so much healthier. It is now completely tangle free and I feel like my hair is so much stronger and also looks a lot healthier.

5* for this product

RRP £32 NOW £19.99 at JUSTMYLOOK or purchase from HOB SALON Hale

SILVER/PURPLE SHAMPOO

I have been on a mission to get my hair just how I like it this month and I felt that my hair was a very warm tone of blonde.. almost a little gingery… which I hated! So I was doing some research on how to get rid of those warm tones and try to get it a little more ashy… I also have a friend who has recommended using a silver shampoo, so whilst at the hairdressers I asked which one to go for and luckily for me System Professional were able to give me a bottle of their Silver Shampoo… Now I warn you all, this shampoo is PURPLE and I mean bright purple!!!! I was a little bit scared to use it for the first time.

HOW I APPLIED IT:

  • I jumped in the shower and wet my hair through.
  • I used a 50p size blob and massaged it into my hair (make sure you rub it in all the way to the ends of your hair.)
  • I left it on my hair whilst I showered, washed my face etc.
  • Then I rinsed it off, squeezed out excess water and applied a good conditioner.
  • Left that on whilst I shaved my legs and then I rinsed it off.

My hair instantly looked a lot cleaner, whiter and fresher. I highly recommend using the System Professional Silver shampoo. Not only does the product do exactly what it says on the bottle.. you also get a huge bottle and it is amazing value for money.

Systems Professionals You can purchase this product online or again at HOB SALONS

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Now finally this has to be my FAVOURITE product this month… it’s my new Olympus Pen e-pl7.. I was debating for a long time on which camera to go for and had heard some amazing reviews on this camera. I wanted this camera so that I could start vlogging and I think I made the right decision. From its stylish outer case to its flip down selfie screen, It has to be up there with some of the best cameras. And at only £399 It is definitely an investment for any other keen bloggers/vloggers. It has wifi so that you can quickly upload any photos and also a wide range of onscreen filters and editing tools. I think I have officially found my new best friend.

CHECK OUT MY NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL Cheshire Gossip Girl

I purchased mine from Jessops for £399 and if you go onto the Olympus website they also have some amazing accessories to go with it. such as stylish bags and leather straps. I think they will have to be my next treat.

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The SpinFactory in Wilmslow and Spinningfields.

Hi everyone.. I thought I would give you all an update on my classes so far at the Spin Factory. I am always up for trying something new especially when it comes to exercise, I like to mix up my exercise regime and also try out a new class each month… whether its a new class at the gym or at a different location. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to try and push myself out of my comfort zone at least once a week so I thought that going to a brand new environment for me and trying classes I have never done before would be a great place to start.

I have been to the Wilmslow Prospin venue a few times now and I am growing to really love it. everyone seems so friendly and the classes are really tough but the teachers are amazing at guiding you through the class if you have never been before and also making sure that you go at your own pace.. giving you different option and trying out the different options on your bike so that its a great workout for YOU! I love the fact that its not just SPIN classes at the Spin Factory.. the yoga classes and circuit classes are also a great workout and it means you can stay and do a few classes so that you get an amazing total body workout.

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I was in Manchester last week visiting some of my clients and also having a few meetings, so because I knew I was going into Manchester and I knew I would be having a break between meetings I checked the app to see what classes were on that day. Luckily Hailey was running a few classes around lunch time so I was able to do a quick spin class, followed by a 30 minute power flow yoga class. It was brilliant because normally when I’m in Manchester and have a gap I would of gone shopping and spent too much money haha! You can get changed after the class in the changing rooms and this then mean’t that I didn’t have to go home after a long day and do a workout…. because I’d already done it 🙂

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Feeling fab after visiting the Spin Factory MCR

Before I forget to mention to you all… when I booked my classes at Spin Factory MCR on their app (which is all on the same app as the Wilmslow app) once I had booked in for the classes it then told me that the classes were now fully booked… and I made sure that I booked 2 days before the class. So if you’re planning to go I would definitely recommend making your booking as soon as possible to avoid disappointment.

So far I am feeling much stronger since I started and also feeling much more energetic. I can’t wait to see my results after 1 months of being a Spin Factory member.

900 Degrees launches in Wilmslow

We were so excited to visit 900 degrees when they invited us to try out their menu and see what this place had to offer! We had already heard about 900 degrees as we knew it had been brought over from LA so when we met Alex one of the founders of the restaurant chain he WOW’d us with excitement of how big the brand is in America and now that it is coming over to the UK, Wilmslow is the first one to open up with plans for a Manchester location and many more…

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For starters who doesn’t love pizza? Then to be told that it is all healthy fresh produce and made form the lightest dough, so that you don’t feel ‘stuffed’ after your pizza…. no wonder it fits so well into the no carb LA lifestyle. Whilst we are all panicking about how many calories we eat each day and making sure we don’t gain a few pounds….. we love how we can visit 900 degrees and not feel guilty for having a pizza with as many toppings as we like!!

The reason for the restaurant being called 900 degrees is that your pizza is cooked at 900 degrees, so it only takes 90 seconds to cook… meaning you don’t have to wait for your food, its literally as quick as having a sandwich made!!!

We also love how you can choose as many toppings as you like and no that the price will always be £8.99. From a quick bite to eat on your lunch break to dining in the evenings with your family or friends, this place is definitely the coolest new hangout in Cheshire.

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£8.99 for all pizzas and choose as many toppings as you like.

They also have a large soda machine where you can pick any flavour you like.. we had the Fanta Raspberry and Sprite Vanilla…. with so many more flavours to choose from, along with the Oreo and Nutella shakes and their mouth drooling deserts.

With a wine and alcohol list that is only otherwise available in Mayfair London, the perfect date night location or to enjoy a catch up with your girls. We cant wait to go again.

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Check them out of social media @900degrees and find them at 46 Parsonage Green
Wilmslow.

xoxo

A little bit of lunch…

OK.. so we are officially obsessed with Australasia in Manchester.

They seem to do EVERYTHING from evening meals, high tea and even light lunches.

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After an afternoon of shopping last week we went along for a bite to eat (there was even so much choice for my pregnant self.) My favourite dish was the Vegetable Tempura – which is fried vegetables in the picture above, I could of had 2 of these dishes!!

We love how at Australasia you can either sit downstairs in their beautiful restaurant or you can relax upstairs in their Grand Pacific terrace, we can’t decide where we prefer to sit… But on this particularly raining day in Manchester we just wanted to be cosy inside.

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Red Fish Curry and Jasmine Rice + Pork Dumplings
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Stir fried mussels with chilli, sweet basil and peanuts

These are a selection of the dishes we shared… the fish curry was absolutely so delicious.

I couldn’t eat the mussels but wish I was allowed to eat them because they looked so good… My boyfriend was able to polish off the entire dish all to himself.

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Lychee and Ginger Panna Cotta + Pineapple Downunder cake with cherry and coconut

We love how fresh all the food is at Australasia, it all tastes so clean and healthy…. Even the deserts!!!!

Caffe Grande Manchester

We were invited along to the brand new Caffe Grande in Manchester City Centre last week to try out their menu. After hearing about their £1.3 million makeover, we couldn’t wait to visit. The sun was shining on arrival which got us in the mood for cocktails and beautiful food… We knew we were going to the right place! Heading into the restaurant it was literally like walking into a really big cafe.. Caffe Grande exactly! deserts and patisseries all on show and as we walked through the restaurant the meat and fish was also on display, as well as watching the chefs make all the food. The atmosphere was so friendly and all the staff were saying ‘hello’ to us.

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Piccolino Caffe Grande serve everything from Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch to Dinner – You can always get your Piccolino fix from morning to night!

The menu has it’s standard delicious Piccolino dishes but also has some extra treats which you have to check out… We had Calamari for starters, (our fav starter) followed by Seafood Risotto and Lasagne with Courgette Fries as a side dish, and then for desert we could not resist having the Berry Tart and the Pistachio and Praline cake. All the food is handmade on the premises by their super talented Italian Chefs which we think you would have a tough time beating their Italian flavours in any other restaurant.

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Whenever we visit a NEW Piccolino restaurant we always say it’s our new favourite but its true, their restaurants just get better and better.

We ended our evening with cocktails around the bar, we had the most perfect evening and as summer arrives I’m sure we will be visiting again and again..

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To add to the Mediterranean feel of the restaurant DJ Julienne Jeanne – who has worked in some of the coolest ski and beach resorts throughout the Mediterranean – and his team, will play music in the bar, every week from Thursday until Sunday, midday until late.

This place is somewhere you HAVE to visit!!!

http://www.individualrestaurants.com/piccolino/manchester/