Depression

Ok, so.. after Sebastian was born, we were allowed to spend the day with him… baring in mind I was so drugged up and I had to be taken into theatre to have an epidural to get the placenta out. Once I got back from theatre at 7pm that evening Sebastian was taken away.. It still hadn’t hit me what had actually happened over the past 24 hours. For Ainslee he had to watch it all and probably absorbed what was going on a little better than me. After another night in the hospital we were able to go home… I was still feeling a little dizzy and light headed from the painkillers and Ainslee had to shower and dress me that morning because my legs still felt a bit numb from the epidural.

So we went home and as I opened the door my mum gave me a parcel… It was all of the paper work to finalise our mortgage and confirmation that we were about to exchange contracts for our new house. We had been so stressed about all of this throughout my pregnancy that we felt like our little angel had somehow done something to let us finally have the house of our dreams and be together.

With this in mind I wanted to go furniture shopping…. so Ainslee took me and we bought so much stuff and ordered our sofa, bed, tables, chairs… candles.. you name it we had ordered it all. Everything was ready to arrive on our moving in date, which had been confirmed.

I was focusing all my attention on our new house and making sure it was perfect because I wasn’t having anyone ruin this for us. Once we moved in it felt like our little safe heaven because our house is in the country side away from everyone, we were so happy that we could eventually be together and not really have to make much effort with anyone else. It’s safe to say looking back now that this was when the depression started to kick in.

We had Sebastians funeral coming up and I wanted to see him one last time because I felt like whilst I was drugged up in hospital I didn’t really get to give him a final cuddle. So we went along to the mortuary and we went in a room to see him. He looked nothing like what I remembered… He looked like all of the goodness I gave him had gone and it was heart breaking. I felt like he wasn’t been looked after… it was devastating. It soon came round to the funeral and we decided me and Ainslee would just be attending. We wanted it to just be us so that we could cry and so that we could have it as low key as possible.

After the funeral weeks went by where I would be working all day and late into the night.. I was putting every little bit of my energy and thoughts into work. It wasn’t until Christmas and probably the whole of January were I was a complete mess. Why were people saying Happy Christmas to me? Why should I be celebrating? OUR BABY HAS JUST DIED!! It was so frustrating and I just wanted it to be January so badly so that we could start a fresh New Year. Obviously this is much easier said than done.. MY DUE DATE was the 24th January and all of the girls that I was pregnant with now had there babies….. It was hard and we were having to go for tests at the hospital because Sebastian had a brain haemorrhage whilst inside of me and they were trying to find out why, these tests seemed to take forever which really made everything drag out a lot more than I felt it should.

All of our tests came back negative and we still don’t know to this day why it happened. This whole time I haven’t had any calls from the doctors or the hospital checking up on me to see how my mental state is. I would like to think I am quite a positive person and even for me I have had some pretty dark times. So I don’t know how other people get on (say if they have previously been diagnosed with depression etc)

If I had given birth to a heathy baby I would of been checked for postnatal depression, which they take really seriously… so why not check up on someone who will 100% have post natal depression after having a still born. It shocks me…. even to the point of going to the dentist… When you’re pregnant you get 9 months free dental care whilst pregnant and 6 months free after your pregnancy. So when I went to the dentist last week the receptionist says after my 5 minute check up… “That’ll be £40 please” So I say “Im exempt from paying because I was pregnant” So she asks me if I’m currently pregnant or have a baby… So I say “I had a still birth” this obviously makes me cry… so Im stood crying in the middle of a waiting room.. and she says “Sorry the NHS don’t give exemption if your pregnant was terminated, don’t worry you’ll start to feel better soon. £40 please.” I was absolutely shocked by her response and if I was in my normal state I wouldn’t of payed and kicked up a BIG fuss… but because I was so shocked by her reaction I just payed and got out of there as quickly as possible.

Baring in mind I had been going to that dentist since I was 2 years old.. and it being a private clinic where I know they could of had a little sympathy and understanding… but no!!! Its like people just don’t understand it as being so horrific and life destroying. It is by far in my experience the worst thing to happen to a couple.

So looking on to the future I don’t think I will seriously feel happy in myself until I get pregnant again… I think when you loose a baby, whether that baby was planned or not. You prepare yourself for that little person to come into your life… so when that doesn’t happen you feel empty and like there is a little hole in your life that you need filling. Hopefully it won’t be too long until we get that hole filled…

A little bit of lunch…

OK.. so we are officially obsessed with Australasia in Manchester.

They seem to do EVERYTHING from evening meals, high tea and even light lunches.

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After an afternoon of shopping last week we went along for a bite to eat (there was even so much choice for my pregnant self.) My favourite dish was the Vegetable Tempura – which is fried vegetables in the picture above, I could of had 2 of these dishes!!

We love how at Australasia you can either sit downstairs in their beautiful restaurant or you can relax upstairs in their Grand Pacific terrace, we can’t decide where we prefer to sit… But on this particularly raining day in Manchester we just wanted to be cosy inside.

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Red Fish Curry and Jasmine Rice + Pork Dumplings
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Stir fried mussels with chilli, sweet basil and peanuts

These are a selection of the dishes we shared… the fish curry was absolutely so delicious.

I couldn’t eat the mussels but wish I was allowed to eat them because they looked so good… My boyfriend was able to polish off the entire dish all to himself.

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Lychee and Ginger Panna Cotta + Pineapple Downunder cake with cherry and coconut

We love how fresh all the food is at Australasia, it all tastes so clean and healthy…. Even the deserts!!!!

Asian High Tea at Grand Pacific – Australasia

We were invited along to Australasia’s Grand Pacific restaurant for Asian High Tea this week. After previously visiting Australasia we knew we were not going to be disappointed.

Their beautiful terrace is the perfect place to go to catch up with your friends or celebrate a special occasion. Even if it’s raining in Manchester you feel like you could be somewhere beautiful, with their palm trees and heated lamps.

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Once we were seated at our table the ‘Asian High Tea’ experience was explained to us by one of their staff, she explained to us that the High Tea comes in 2 waves… Wave 1 includes a three tier sushi and salad selection, served with a complementing glass of The Spee’ Wah Australian ‘champagne’ or you can choose a mocktail from their menu…. Followed by wave 2 which includes three tiers of sweet indulgence, served with your choice of loose leaf or flowering tea (or you can have another glass of Champagne or mocktail.

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Wave 1 included a mixture of fish sushi, vegetable sushi and salads. We were also asked if we had any dietary requirements so if you don’t like meat or have any allergies then this wave can be altered just for you!

Wave 2 included so many delicious mini deserts. My favourite was the chocolate torte, followed by the creme brûlée and then the carrot cake. There is definitely a desert for everyone.

We enjoyed Champaign and a delicious Mango and Coconut mocktail drink with each wave.

At only £25 pp this experience is worth every penny. From it’s beautiful restaurant to beautiful food, I will be recommending this ‘Asian High Tea’ to everyone!

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To BOOK your experience visit Australasia

Australasia Manchester

We were invited along to the well renown Australasia restaurant in Manchester city centre this week, thanks to our amazing friend Rebecca Walker who works for Living Ventures. We were very excited to be eating in the restaurant as we had heard so many amazing things about their food and not only it being delicious but also healthy!! We had previously visited their bar for cocktails and knew that this place was up there with the very best.

On arrival to the restaurant the stunning glass entrance makes you feel like you are entering an exclusive underground party. Once seated in our booth we were welcomed by friendly staff who explained how the menu worked and what was really tasty.

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The menu is split up into 3 sections. You can either pick lots of small dishes to share for a tapas feel or pick a small dish for your starter and then pick a large dish for your main or you can ‘dive in’ and have a tapas dish, main meal and a desert. So you can eat as much or as little as your like!

Of course we had to try all 3 so we could get a real feel of the menu… and we were not disappointed.

For starters we had:

-Satay chicken skewers
-Squid and sriracha mayonnaise
-Hand-dived scallops with pork and apple

These small dishes were packed full with flavour and the freshest fish we have ever had in Manchester.

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For our main meal we had:

-Chilean seabass with prawns in coconut
and Tom Yam broth – with sticky rice

and

-Fillet Steak with fries

Even though these were the larger dishes on the menu, they were still quite small so that you still have room for a desert. Most of the dishes on the menu definitely give off lots of asian flavours so when we came to picking a desert and seeing names like ‘Pineapple Downunder Cake’ and ‘Pineapple Sorbet’ We could see that the deserts were going to be arriving with an Australian twist.

So to finish off we had the Passion Fruit cheesecake and the Pineapple downunder with cherry and coconut.

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Everything we ate was so light and full of flavour, so even though we did eat 3 courses we were not feeling too full. This restaurant is perfect for any occasion and if you have a look on their website Australasia they also have an amazing lunch time menu with special offers.

We will definitely be returning soon for some more delicious food.